News & Blog

How To Avoid an Adoption Scam

The following article was originally posted on the FBI website. We are sharing it on our blog to help raise awareness of red flags to look for when pursuing adoption for both adoptive parents and birth parents.

Adoption Fraud

Unethical adoption service providers can take advantage of an emotionally charged process to deceive and defraud prospective adoptive parents or birth parents considering adoption.

Learn what to look out for, how to protect yourself and your family, and what to do if you’re a victim.

Common Schemes

Double matching occurs when a birth mother’s baby is matched to more than one prospective adoptive parent.

Fabricated matching occurs when prospective adoptive parents are matched to a fictitious birth mother, a birth mother who is not pregnant, or a birth mother who is not genuinely interested in placing her baby for adoption.

Fee-related adoption schemes occur when adoption service providers require prospective adoptive parents to pay exorbitant fees upfront or on a recurring basis but fail to provide services promised.

How to Protect Yourself

When choosing an adoption service provider, do your research. Be aware of what fraudulent providers may do or ask you to do.

  • Misrepresent professional licenses or education
  • Make unsolicited contact to sign up birth mothers or prospective adoptive parents
  • Be difficult to reach via phone or email, despite multiple attempts
  • Unnecessarily control communications between adoption participants
  • Quote highly negotiable and inconsistent fees
  • Encourage prospective adoptive parents to pay expenses immediately to avoid losing out on opportunity to adopt
  • Demonstrate a pattern of requesting additional unexpected fees throughout the process
  • Make guarantees about the adoption process, such as:
    • Matching within a specified time-frame
    • Birth parents’ willingness to adopt
    • How quickly and easily the adoption will be legally finalized

Know other red flags to look out for during the adoption process.

  • Lack of proof of pregnancy or proof with inadequate details, like missing dates
  • History of failed adoptions due to unusual circumstances
  • Adoption participants pressured to sign documents they don’t fully understand
  • Adoption participants encouraged to falsify statements and documents to finalize the adoption

Additionally, birth parents should recognize signs of an exploitative situation, which may include:

  • Being coerced or manipulated into placing a child for adoption
  • Getting assigned prospective adoptive parents without being involved in the choice
  • Being pressured to follow through with an adoption or being told you will have to repay covered expenses if you change your mind
News & Blog

Does An Adoption Affect Your Taxes?

With tax season approaching, many adoptive parents or prospective adoptive parents may have questions about how their adoption affects their taxes, and what they are able to claim for the year.

We have good news: the IRS allows adoptive parents to claim qualified adoption expenses including adoption fees, court costs,  travel expenses, and other expenses directly related to the adoption of a child. The maximum amount for the tax credit varies each year, but for 2021 is $14,440 per child. Visit the IRS website for the most updated information about the adoption tax credit.

In some instances, adoptive parents are eligible to claim their adoptive child as a dependent even if the adoption has not been finalized yet. In situations where adopting taxpayers are not able to obtain the child’s Social Security Number because the adoption is pending finalization, they may be able to apply for a temporary taxpayer identification number for the child, or an Adoption Taxpayer Identification Number (ATIN), to use on their tax return.

In order to apply for an ATIN, the adoption situation must meet certain requirements. Adoptive parents must be currently in the process of adopting a child, and the child must be legally placed in their home for legal adoption by an authorized adoption entity. The adoption must also be domestic, or foreign only if the child possesses a Permanent Resident Alien Card or Certificate of Citizenship, and adoptive parents must have made a reasonable effort to obtain the child’s social security number but they are unable to obtain it because the adoption has not been finalized. For more information on the adoption, temporary taxpayer identification number, and requirements to apply, visit the IRS’s Q&A page regarding the ATIN program.

Please note: we are not accountants and cannot give tax advice. Please consult with an accountant for specific financial and tax advising.

News & Blog

Adoption Reunions – Thoughts from an Adoption Attorney

At the office one morning after just completing an adoption final hearing I received a call from an unexpected voice. It was from an adoptee whose adoption we handled more than 23 years ago. That “child” was now a hopeful adult, looking to connect with his birth mother.  I recalled (to myself) meeting his birth parents at their apartment in Tampa.  They were a sweet couple, looking to give their baby a wonderful home.  I remembered this placement well.

Nearing 25 years since our first private adoption placement, we are hearing from an increased number of adoptees reaching out to find their birth parents. Whether this increase is due to a growing interest in ancestry and personal history, open adoptions and adoption reunions filling our social media feeds, or a desire to build more family connections, many adoptees are reaching out to establish a more open relationship with their birth parents.

When I received that call from the adoptee, I initially felt excited and hopeful for him and for his birth mother, and for the opportunity they may have to connect with each other after all these years. But that initial excitement was followed by a wave of internal questions. Did the birth mother sign a consent to release her information to her child, should he be interested in finding her in adulthood? If the birth mother did not sign a consent to release information, would it be right to contact her after all these years if she did not initially express a wish to have an open or semi-open adoption? What if she had signed a release but her feelings had since changed?

I also thought of protecting her confidentiality and the life she was currently living. How would my letter impact her present life? Perhaps she created her own family after placement and did not wish to share the adoption with her partner or children.  By sending her a letter, would there be a risk of someone in her family picking up the mail and asking her about why she received a letter from a law firm, causing her to have to explain the situation to them?

If she had signed a release of information, I considered whether she may be in a different frame of mind from how she felt at the time of placement. Would she be prepared emotionally to begin direct communication with her adopted child? Could I be reopening old wounds by reaching out to her? On the other hand, with her child reaching adulthood, maybe she had been holding out hope that she would hear from him and contacting her may lead to a long-awaited reunion.

From the time we established our practice we have known that these reunions would be a possibility, but the reality is much more complicated than we could have anticipated. And the questions that come along with adoption reunions can create emotional and ethical challenges that all parties to the adoption must learn how to navigate.

Adoptions today are much more open than 20 years ago.  Thankfully, most current placements include direct sharing of contact information which allows birth and adoptive families to continue communication and sometimes visitation with each other over the years. This evolution toward continued contact may lead to reunions no longer being necessary in the future – a possibility that raises its own questions about how adoptions may change the picture of a “family” going forward.

And in the event you are wondering, how did my case turn out?  I was able to send a private message to the birth mother (thank you Facebook).  After several months she responded expressing her joy and excitement that her son wanted to find her and apologizing about the delay.  She took that  time to talk with all of her children and obtain their thoughts about a reunion.  Her  whole family was on board and wanted to take the next step.  These two families have reconnected in a journey to provide the best for their child.  I am not sure where things currently stand but am rooting for all of the laughs, tears, hugs, and love that we wish for in adoption reunions.

— Michelle M. Hausmann, Esq., attorney with Hausmann & Hickman, P.A. This blog was originally written to be shared on the Academy of Adoption & Assisted Reproduction Attorneys website.

News & Blog

Working With Ethical Professionals Is Key To Adoption Success

The following article was originally published by the Academy of Adoption & Assisted Reproduction Attorneys (AAAA) and shared by Yahoo News. We felt it was important to share through our blog as well to highlight the importance of adoptive families researching the adoption professionals they are considering working with. Amy Hickman and Michelle Hausmann are members of AAAA, as well as Florida Bar Board Certified in Adoption which recognizes adoption attorneys’ special knowledge, skills, professionalism and ethics.  As Certified Adoption Attorneys, Amy and Michelle are experts in adoption law.

Stories of adoptions gone wrong like the one recently published in The New Yorker abound in the news today, but in reality, these cautionary tales are just that – a warning – and not the norm. Successful, ethical adoptions can and do take place every day. Working with one of the competent attorneys from AAAA can make your adoption one of them.

Every day in the United States and abroad children are placed for adoption into loving homes. These adoptions take place legally and they are done ethically. Unfortunately, these are not usually the stories that make the press. Instead, stories like “How an Adoption Broker Cashed In on Prospective Parents’ Dreams,” recently published in The New Yorker, detailing events that never should have happened, are the adoption stories that the public most often hear.

The attorneys of the non-profit organization, the Academy of Adoption and Assisted Reproduction Attorneys (“AAAA”), are dedicated to minimizing the number of adoption stories that end like the one described in The New Yorker, with prospective parents being defrauded by corrupt agencies or facilitators. Committed to the competent and ethical practice of adoption law, AAAA and its attorneys or “Fellows” advocate for laws and policies to protect the best interests of children, the legal status of families formed through adoption, and the rights of all interested parties. AAAA Fellows apply the law and best legal practices and have successfully helped thousands of clients through their family building journey. AAAA Fellows also represent thousands of birth parents to assure they are treated fairly and with dignity as they make the difficult decision to place a child for adoption.

The Academy of Adoption and Assisted Reproduction Attorneys is represented by over 500 attorneys from the United States and abroad who specialize in adoption law, assisted reproductive technology law (ART) or both. AAAA provides a credentialed presence in the law of family formation and is the largest professional organization of its type dedicated to advancing the security of children through permanent adoption, the protection of children through safe and secure foster care with appropriate permanency planning, and the recognition of intended parents as legal parents for those using modern medical technology to build families through assisted reproductive technology.

Admission to AAAA is a selective process that requires no less than five years of legal practice, at least 50 diverse adoption or assisted reproductive technology proceedings, a referral for admission by a current AAAA member, and rigorous review for high ethical standards and competency by the board of directors.

AAAA is committed to the finest in legal practice and to serving the adoption triad – children, birth families and adoptive families – with compassion and competency. While AAAA supports the exposure of unethical adoption practices in the press to educate the public, AAAA reminds all that ethical and competent adoption professionals should be highlighted and promoted to encourage the public to seek out those of the highest standards to assist in their adoption journey.

AAAA is headquartered in Greenwood, Indiana. For more information, visit us at

Media Contact:

Genie Miller Gillespie, Academy of Adoption & Assisted Reproduction Attorneys, (312) 332-6339,

SOURCE Academy of Adoption & Assisted Reproduction Attorneys

News & Blog

Planning for the Hospital in an Adoption

Often throughout the adoption process, attention may be focused on establishing a relationship and communication between adoptive parents and birth parents, and planning for what that communication will look like after the adoption placement. But another important part of the process is considering what to expect during the birth and delivery at the hospital. Planning for what the hospital experience will look like for both the birth parents and adoptive parents can help make the experience a positive and meaningful part of the adoption process.  In the adoption arena this is often referred to as an “adoption birth plan.”

Planning for the Hospital as a Birth Parent

The hospital experience can include some mixed emotions for the birth parents. There may be a great deal of happiness and excitement about the baby’s birth, an increased feeling of connection to the adoptive parents, and the bittersweet feeling of envisioning your child’s future. It has been said that no greater gift can be bestowed than the gift of adoption. However, there also may be a bit of awkwardness when determining exactly who will be present at the hospital and when, coupled with anxiety and/or sadness due to the significant decision being made. Creating an adoption birth plan for the hospital prior to delivery can help manage some of the uncomfortable emotions and situations that may arise throughout the process. Consider what your preferences are for the following:

  • Who do you want to be at the hospital with you? Are you considering inviting your family to meet your baby, and have you discussed with them the level of involvement you would like from them at the hospital? Consider setting boundaries and guidelines about what topics you feel comfortable discussing with them while at the hospital, and what kind of interactions you are comfortable with (taking pictures with the baby, having them meet the adoptive parents, etc.)
  • How much interaction would you like with the adoptive parents? Consider if you will want them to be in the actual delivery room, at the hospital by your side throughout the experience, or if there are times when you would prefer to be alone (with or without the baby). How will you communicate to them if your preferences change during the process? The adoptive parents may be eager to be present, but it is also important to find a balance that will be best for everyone and honor the emotions that are likely to surface throughout the process.
  • How much interaction with the baby are you planning to have? How much time would you like to spend alone with your baby? Although this may change in the moment, taking time to reflect on your needs and preferences before the delivery may help you communicate what you are feeling, and what you may need, when you are at the hospital. Also consider what type of mementos you may want from the hospital, including photos, footprints, etc.

Considerations for Adoptive Parents

The idea of going to the hospital can be as exciting as it is daunting for adoptive parents. You will likely have many questions about when you are permitted to go to the hospital, where you will be able to stay, and when you may spend time with the birth mother and the baby. Planning ahead can alleviate some of your anxiety throughout the process.

  • Speaking with your attorney is an essential part of planning for the hospital. Your attorney can provide guidance regarding what to expect, estimated timelines, what documentation you may need, as well as their feedback regarding how the process has worked for adoptive parents in the past.
  • If you have regular contact with the birth mother, talk to her about what contact she would like from you at the hospital. You may be very excited and anxious to see her and the baby, but this is a complex situation for her emotionally – ensure she knows that you respect her boundaries and privacy, and support her needs during this time. Working with your attorney to communicate and create a plan together with the birth mother may be helpful for ensuring everyone is comfortable voicing their own needs and finding a plan that everyone is on board with.
  • Start planning what you will need to bring with you to the hospital, including what you may need if you are permitted to stay. If you are adopting a child in another state, plan to stay in the adopted child’s state until you are legally approved to return to your home state. Your attorney can provide guidance on estimated processing times which can help you when planning what you will need to pack.

Now more than ever, there are additional factors to consider with current, frequent changes in hospital policies regarding visitors and limits on how many individuals can visit hospital patients. All of these can factor into your experience, and working with the attorney handling the adoption can help you establish a plan to assist everyone in feeling supported throughout the adoption process at the hospital.

News & Blog

Caring for your Mental Health After Adoption: Considerations for Birth Parents

Placing a baby for adoption can create a whirlwind of emotions. Many of these emotions can be positive, including the hope for a better life for your child, or joy from the act of helping an adoptive couple become parents for the first time. But the adoption process also involves heavier emotions including grief, loss, and possibly loneliness or frustration from feeling that others in your life may be unable to relate to how you are feeling or provide the emotional support that you need. These emotions often can take a toll on a birth parent’s mental health, and prioritizing care for your mental health after adoption can be a significant part of the healing process following the adoption placement.

There are many potential methods for caring for your mental health after placing a baby for adoption. Here are a few options you may want to consider:

Take time off from work or school if needed and possible. Allowing yourself time to rest and recover not only from the pregnancy and birth, but also from the adoption process, can be essential to healing both physically and emotionally.

Seek support from friends or family. When we are grieving, sometimes we feel pressured to put on a brave face for our families, children, and partners. And sometimes we are tempted to isolate ourselves and shut out the rest of the world. If no one is around to ask us about how we are feeling, then we don’t need to acknowledge those feelings exist, right? But friends and family can also provide the support that we need to heal, and to remind us of the things that bring us happiness and peace in a time when things may feel anything but peaceful. And although friends and family may not always know what to say to comfort us, sometimes what we need from them is simply someone to sit with us while we process and feel our own emotions, and to remind us we are not alone.

Consider attending therapy. Sometimes a birth mother may need more support than what friends and family are able to give, or maybe you are seeking guidance on how to approach the overwhelming emotions you are feeling. A therapist or counselor can help you process the grief, loss, relief, and bittersweet emotions that you may experience after placing your child for adoption, as well as provide education on the stages of grief and how to cope with each stage. A therapist can help you navigate what you are feeling and find healthy ways to express it.

Join a support group. Whether it is a local grief group that meets in person once per week to share experiences about the grieving process, or a private online group in which birth parents post how they are feeling and seek advice from others, support groups can provide a comforting space to put a voice to how you are feeling and connect with others with shared experiences. Groups can also reassure birth parents that they are not alone, and although their experience is unique, they can find common ground and seek support and advice from others who have also placed a child for adoption.

Practice self-care. When we are busy, or focused on caring for others, we often put ourselves on the back burner. But when you are coping with placing a baby for adoption, taking care of yourself is essential. Take time to explore creative outlets to express your emotions, listen to music, and spend time outdoors. Maybe explore a new hobby, or take a trip to a place you’ve always wanted to visit.

However you choose to proceed after placement, taking care of your mental health is an essential part of adoption. Each birth parent’s needs are unique, and this list does not include all options for caring for your mental health as a birth parent, but may provide some guidance in your healing process.

News & Blog

Adoption Reunification: Questions to Consider Before Beginning the Search for Birth Parents

Adoptions today are frequently open or semi-open with continued communication after placement between birth and adoptive parents, but adoptions 20 years ago often looked much different. Many birth and adoptive parents consented to closed adoptions, but with recent widespread availability of genetic testing, ancestry searches, and open adoptions becoming the new normal, many adoptees born in the 1990s and 2000s are turning 18 and beginning to search for their birth parents, and in the age of technology this can create challenges with adoptions remaining confidential.

But this raises several important questions for all parties in the adoption process. A birth parent may have signed an agreement to release their contact information should their child begin looking for them once they reach adulthood, but a lot can happen in 18 years. A birth parent may be experiencing other stressors in their life that might cause them to feel unprepared to begin communication with their child after all these years, or they may have started their own family who may or may not be emotionally prepared to begin a relationship with the child. The birth parent may have other children who may not yet be aware of having a half sibling, or their children could be at an age where they may not yet understand. Although a birth parent may have signed a consent for communication at the time of placement, they may be in a different frame of mind now regarding what they are capable of coping with emotionally, or what they feel would be best for their child or family.

Adoptees also have several questions to consider regarding their emotional readiness for reconnecting. Is the adoptee prepared if their birth parent is unable to be located, or if they do not feel comfortable reconnecting? If their birth parent is prepared to begin a relationship, has the adoptee considered the frequency or type of communication they are looking for, and what types of boundaries all parties may want to discuss in the development of their relationship? Is the adoptee ready to meet their birth parents in person, or would they prefer to continue messaging or talking on the phone for a period of time while getting to know each other? What level of connection would the adoptee like if they discover they have half-siblings? The adoptee may also want to discuss their plans with their adoptive parents, and consider how reconnecting with their birth parents may affect family dynamics.

With genetic testing now available that can connect people with others who share their DNA, confidentiality in adoptions has become more complicated, and sometimes impossible, to maintain. Many adoptees who complete genetic testing have been connected to half siblings, cousins, and grandparents, and therefore discover the identity of their birth parents. With this in mind, families who have been involved in the adoption process may want to begin considering how completing genetic tests may lead to unintentional connections to biological family members.

For those interested in pursuing reunification with their biological parents, considering these questions may be important before beginning the search. But despite the emotions and anxiety that may surface during the process, reunification can result in meaningful connections that can be a positive experience for all involved. Biological parents may have been thinking of their child frequently over the years, wondering about how they have grown, and they may be holding out hope that their child will one day reach out to them.

If you are interested in beginning the search for your biological parents and you have worked with Hausmann & Hickman, please feel free to reach out with questions about your specific situation. For Florida birth parents and adoptees who have not worked with our office, the Florida Adoption Reunion Registry can provide an opportunity to reconnect.

News & Blog

“My Children are in State Custody”: A Birth Parent’s Right to Choose the Right Family for their Child through Private Adoption

Having your parental rights taken away can make a parent feel like they no longer have any control over their child’s future. You can think of nothing else but your child and the kind of family he or she is with. You may be thinking: Is my child safe? Is the family too strict or too permissive? Would they be open to my child visiting with me? Will they want to adopt my child, or will my child move from home to home?

But as a birth parent, until the court has actually terminated your parental rights, you have decision-making power and the right to choose private adoption. Statute F.S. 63.082(6)(a) states:

If a parent executes a consent for the placement of a minor with an adoption entity or qualified prospective adoptive parents and the minor child is in the custody of the department, but parental rights have not yet been terminated by the court, the adoption consent is valid, binding, and enforceable by the court.

When a birth parent consents to a private adoption while the child is in state custody, an “intervention” must take place in order for the child to be adopted privately. With adoption intervention, birth parents are able to design an adoption plan for their child, including choosing a family for their child. Birth parents can choose if the family has children already, if they are a traditional family, a single-parent home, or a same-sex couple. Birth parents may even be able to negotiate a communication agreement with the adoptive parents to include a schedule to receive pictures, updates, and perhaps even visitation with the child.

Adoption intervention, however, is not always appropriate. Considerations, including whether it is best for the child to be removed from the current foster home, should be made. If the child’s foster family has maintained custody for some time and expressed a desire to adopt, consenting to the foster family adopting, with an agreement for continued communication, maybe in the best interests of the child.

If the child’s current foster placement is not suitable in the eyes of the birth parents, a private adoption plan may be a great alternative. With private adoption, even when you are not a direct part of your child’s life, you can still plan for the kind of life and family you envision for your child. Whether your child is placed with a two-parent family, in a home with (or without) other children, in a Florida home, and whether your child has a stay-at-home parent can all be decided by you. An agreement for pictures, letters, and/or visits from the adoptive parents may also be created so as to stay up-to-date with all of your child’s milestones.

No family is ever going to be you, but until your parental rights have been terminated, you can certainly choose the kind of life you desire for your child.

The attorneys at Hausmann & Hickman, P.A. have experience handling adoption interventions in Florida for families in many different situations. If you or someone you know would like to learn more about Florida adoption intervention, please feel free to contact our office.

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Faith, Loss, Love, and Open Adoption – An Adoptive Mother’s Story

This blog was written by an adoptive mother about her family’s spiritual journey to creating their forever family through adoption! We are grateful to be able to share her story, and we thank her for her openness in writing about her family’s experience with open adoption.

We started our adoption journey, just like so many other couples before us – emotionally filled with a mix of excitement, trepidation, anxiety, and most of all, a longing for a precious child to call our own.  Little did we know, our journey would not be so typical.  Oh boy, was it not!

After years of emotionally preparing for adoption, saving money, and getting our quintessential proverbial ducks in a row, here we were one afternoon with a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in our home. She was a warm, educated person, with a soft compassionate voice, and a sincere heart for adoption. She truly was and is an advocate for Birth Families. When we got into the crux of it, she asked us if we wanted an open adoption.  Without hesitation, we said No.  Yep, we were that couple.  We had been through so much already with years upon years of infertility and various treatments, that we simply wanted to be a family of three and move on with life.  While I thought I had read every book and blog on adoption, she said “have you read Dear Birthmother (by Kathleen Silber and Phylis Speedlin)?”   Needless to say, the book was ordered, and a few days later I spent the entire weekend reading this book, cover to cover, always in tears. Just like that, the decision was made that we could not adopt a child WITHOUT knowing the birthparents and experiencing some sort of openness.

Several months passed and then we got “the call” that a Birth Couple had chosen us, but before making their final decision they wanted to meet us.  This was like the biggest interview of our lives, and an important step in showing our honesty to facilitate an open adoption.  A lunch date was set, we continued praying, and within a week or so, we drove three and half hours to meet this couple, and their three daughters, ranging from 18 months of age to age 5.  As quiet and reserved people, we knew we had to be ourselves, but at the same time we could not miss this opportunity to get to know this couple and express just how warm, loving, trusting, and capable we were to be given the privilege to raise their daughter. Turns out they were nervous too!  At the end of the chaotic lunch and the glares from bystanders within ear-shot of the conversation, we headed outside to say our good-byes.  However, to our surprise, the Birth Parents needed no time to decide.  The Birthmother embraced us and told us right then and there – she chose us!!!!  We hugged and cried and took our first family photo.

With three young children already, this couple had made the difficult decision to place their fourth child for adoption very early in her pregnancy.  Consequently, we had this amazing opportunity to get to know this couple before the arrival.  We texted often, we were invited and went to all of the prenatal appointments for six straight months.  We heard the baby’s heartbeat, and learned the sex of the baby at the very moment the Birthmother had heard it.  The Birth Mother was young, but seemed so committed to this process.

During the next six months we drove across the state to visit often, have lunch together, and play with the girls at the park and local bounce house facilities.  As the birth date was approaching our visits were occurring weekly.  There are many definitions to open adoption, but we were experiencing a seriously open adoption triad.

Then at 36 weeks of pregnancy the Devil stepped in.  It was a cool night late in the year, about 9:00 p.m., and we received the most anticipated call – she was in labor!  However, something was not right and she was being rushed to the hospital by ambulance.  So, we did what we had done so many times before, we prayed, oh did we pray, and traveled three and half hours, in the dark of night.  About an hour into our trip, something had changed.  The excitement turned to pure panic. No matter how hard we prayed, we could not get this nagging feeling to subside that something was terribly wrong.  We kept saying, this is not happening.  Nope, this is not happening! Devil, leave, this is not happening!!!  It was almost as if God was preparing us for what was ahead. Shortly after midnight, we finally arrived and entered the hospital.  It was like the movies, the halls were dark and no one was present, just the receptionist with a glowing light above her.  Somehow, she knew our names, which spooked us (as you could imagine) and she proceeded to take us down the dark hallway to where the Birth Father was sitting with his head in his hands crying, and he was being consoled by his Mother-in-Law. He looked up, came to us crying, and while simultaneously hugging us he said in a whisper, “she did not make it”. We knew nothing of what transpired, we had not received any texts since the initial call, so of course we were filled with questions.  What do you mean? Who did not make it? How is the Birth Mother? What happened? Where is the baby? And, just like that, our adoption journey took the biggest dive.  Our daughter was born a Sleeping Angel.

We spent the remainder of the night at the hospital consoling each other, and worried for the Birth Mother’s health as her life had come close to an end as well.  In the morning the hospital staff came into the room and advised of the next steps.  At that moment, the Birth Mother looked at us, tears in her eyes, and said “she was yours, please make the decisions”.  Really, we had all been through so much and now, instead of planning for the arrival of a baby, we were planning and responsible for a funeral.  How could this be! As God is our witness, we could not turn our back on this precious baby, whom we named Katelynn, or the family, and so we made plans and carried out the Funeral Service the day after Thanksgiving.  After Katelynn’s service unfolded, we gave the family long, deep hugs, cried, and gave them the Christmas presents we had purchased for their three girls, and said our final good-byes.  We texted a few times after the service, but very few, as we each had this internal compass pressing us to move on.

This experience left my husband and I in a very dark and lonely place.  Seriously, most people don’t know how to deal with death, and they certainly don’t know how to deal with the death of child through adoption.  So, unfortunately, we found ourselves going through the grieving process essentially alone.  Each day, as the cliché goes, we put one foot in front of the other, and emotionally carried ourselves forward, praying.

We were at a cross roads – do we take this as a sign and jump off the adoption journey now, or forge forward.  After sleepless nights and endless prayers, we decided to keep going.  We contacted our Adoption Attorneys to let them know that we were probably not emotionally ready, but we needed to keep going, we needed to stay relevant in the adoption search since it can be lengthy. Heck, we were already nearly 12 months into our journey.  And, so they did their part and continued to put our profile in front of other Birth Parents.  A few possibilities were presented, but it just did not feel right in our hearts, the stars did not seem to align, and so we continued to wait.

A few months had passed, and we prayed for answers, we prayed for directions, and we prayed for strength.  Someone once said to me “Maybe you should be happy for what you have”.  She was referring to our happy marriage of 12 years, and inseparable relationship.  This was true, we were very grateful for each other, and the simple life we had together, but that desire to be parents would not go away.  God put that desire in our hearts for a reason. So, we kept praying and waiting.  Ugh, the waiting game is tough.

In early Spring of the following year, I had this feeling come over me (just as on that frightful night) that I needed to call the Adoption Attorneys.  So, I did, I picked up the phone, and Mrs. Michelle Hausmann answered the phone. When does that happen!  It was usually the team that answered. I told her that something or someone, God, was prompting me to call.  It was a divine moment, as she shared that she had a potential case on her desk, that very moment, and she was contemplating calling us, but not sure if it was the case for us for various reasons.  However, she told me that she knew how I operated (intuition) and she proceeded to share the details of the case and set the expectation that we had a very small window of time to consider the case because she was meeting with the Birth Parents on Monday morning (it was then Thursday afternoon). We slept on it, and we called her in the morning, asking her to please present our profile with all the other couples.

Monday afternoon, we received a call that we had been tentatively chosen and the baby would be born in approximately six weeks.  Oh boy! We were so scared, yet so excited, and sooooo impatient!  Could we wait six more weeks – of course we could, but we did not have to.  God was at work!  Wednesday morning, not even 72-hours after learning of our acceptance, Michelle called with the exciting news that the baby was born.  Later that day, at dusk, we walked into a very busy, hustling and bustling hospital.  The place was huge!  We were told to go straight to the nursey, several floors above, where we would meet the Social Worker and she introduced us to our daughter.  Our daughter was tiny, 4 pounds 6 ounces, approximately 6 weeks premature, and she had every imaginable IV and medical cord attached to her precious body.  At that point, we were not allowed to hold her, we just gazed at her, and then we meandered through the sea of hospital hallways and elevators to find her Birth Parents. We stepped out of the elevator, and from down the hall, we heard our names being called in excitement.  Our Birth Mother was almost running towards us, we hugged for a long moment, as if we had known each other for some time. Right there in the hallway, we met for the first time, we spoke for the first time, and it was the first moment of our open-adoption triad.  She quickly whisked us down the hall to her room were we meet the Birth Father.  He, too, seemed so excited to meet us and share the story of the birth. But, it was adoption after all, it was bitter-sweet, it was deeply emotional for all.

These two souls cared so deeply for our (theirs and ours) Daughter.  They genuinely cared for her and loved her unconditionally.  God gave them the strength to fulfill their adoption plan and place her into our care. A privilege of a lifetime!!!  God would also give us the strength and guidance to fulfill an Open Adoption – as this was desired by all, but there are no instructions on how to go about it.

It has been six-years since our daughter was born, and in those six-years we have paved the way for an incredible Open Adoption, and I mean open.  Most recently, we have flown our Birth Mother into town, for a few days. We invited her into our home, she ate dinner at our kitchen table, she said Grace with us, and saw the very world that our daughter lives.  This was an AMAZING experience – almost surreal – and something we will plan to do again.   Prior to this visit in our home, we always (annually) traveled out of State to visit in their home towns. We have been blessed to have met our daughter’s two siblings, her Grandparents, her Aunt, and her Uncle.  Each visit is filled with love, love and more love, and kid friendly stuff, such as painting rocks, feeding ducks, gently riding ATVs, swimming, picking sea shells, boating, and having meals together.  Each visit is perfectly perfect in every way.  When we experience our daughter saturated in this love, and connection, we can see that she deeply needs the connection.  God is guiding us is such a way to protect her, yet allow her to grow in this life knowing the very roots from where she came from, knowing the very person she inherited her curls from, or the very person she inherited a certain behavior or facial expression.

As we have learned, Adoption is not for the faint of heart, but it is for those with a deep desire to be parents, and for those willing to fight for a child they have never met.  Adoption is not like fertility treatments and “if” it is going to happen, Adoption is about “when” it is going to happen. We hope our story of persistence and God’s Will comforts you in knowing that no matter what path your Adoption Journey may take, God is always with you.  He will protect, guide, and fulfill a plan for you that is far better than you could have ever imagined.

News & Blog

Alexa, A Birth Mother’s Perspective

My name is Alexa and I am a mother of five.  I have placed three of my children for adoption and I am a stay at home mom for two.

My journey to becoming a birth mother began in 2005.  While going through a divorce we found out I was pregnant with a second child.  I could not, in good conscience, use abortion as a method of birth control so I looked at my other options.  Parenting was not an option because I could barely care for myself and my then 18-month-old daughter as a newly single mom.  I decided the only option for my second daughter was to find an awesome family for her to grow up in.  Through the adoption process, I found a family that fit my criteria and who I knew would care for her as I would if parenting was an option for me.  We decided that yearly updates and pictures were the only method of contact we were all comfortable with.  I receive many pictures each year and it is wonderful to watch her grow up in a stable, loving household.  Sometimes it is difficult but I know I made the right choice for her.

In 2010 my significant other and I  found out we were pregnant unexpectedly.  We went to the doctor and found out we were having spontaneous triplets.  Needless to say, we were in shock.  After looking at the finances and our current children from separate relationships we knew we could not raise triplets and care for our other 4 collective children.  We did not want that for any of our children.  We knew we could care for one, but three? We chose to parent one and do an open adoption with visitation with the other two.  Visitation was necessary for this adoption because the boys needed to grow up knowing they were adopted and knowing each other and their other siblings.  We found a great couple who agreed with us on this thought process.  A lot of people have asked how you choose one.  We decided to choose before they came out and we decided to parent the last one born.  This was incredibly difficult but I knew that I could not leave the hospital like last time and be able to pick the pieces up and continue being a present parent for my daughter.

Some may ask why I would share so much of my personal story with the public, I know some of my family does.  My answer is that if I can help just one person understand that adoption isn’t abandoning your child, or help one birthmother know she not alone in how she feels, or help an adoptive couple know how to connect with the birth mother of their future child then what I went through can do other people good.  This blog is an open book into my life as a birthmother.