Alexa, A Birth Mother’s Perspective

My name is Alexa and I am a mother of five.  I have placed three of my children for adoption and I am a stay at home mom for two.

My journey to becoming a birth mother began in 2005.  While going through a divorce we found out I was pregnant with a second child.  I could not, in good conscience, use abortion as a method of birth control so I looked at my other options.  Parenting was not an option because I could barely care for myself and my then 18 month old daughter as a newly single mom.  I decided the only option for my second daughter was to find an awesome family for her to grow up in.  Through the adoption process I found a family that fit my criteria and who I knew would care for her as I would if parenting was an option for me.  We decided that yearly updates and pictures were the only method of contact we were all comfortable with.  I receive many pictures each year and it is wonderful to watch her grow up in a stable, loving household.  Sometimes it is difficult but I know I made the right choice for her.

In 2010 my significant other and I  found out we were pregnant unexpectedly.  We went to the doctor and found out we were having spontaneous triplets.  Needless to say we were in shock.  After looking at the finances and our current children from separate relationships we knew we could not raise triplets and care for our other 4 collective children and not live in a slum.  We did not want that for any of our children.  We knew we could care for one, but three? We chose to parent one and do an open adoption with visitation with the other two.  Visitation was necessary in this adoption because the boys needed to grow up knowing they were adopted and knowing each other and their other siblings.  We found a great couple who agreed with us on this thought process.  A lot of people have asked how you choose one.  We decided to choose before they came out and we decided to parent the last one born.  This was incredibly difficult but I knew that I could not leave the hospital like last time and be able to pick the pieces up and continue being a present parent for my daughter.

Some may ask why I would share so much of my personal story with the public, I know some of my family does.  My answer is that if I can help just one person understand that adoption isn’t abandoning your child, or help one birthmother know she not alone in how she feels, or help an adoptive couple know how to connect with the birthmother of their future child then what I went through can do other people good.  This blog is an open book into my life as a birthmother.  If you have questions please post them or email them and I will address them.  I look forward to sharing my unique experiences.